The USPS Wanted Your Kids To Die!

The headline above points to a story at postalnews.com which tells us:

Linn’s Stamp News reports that the US Postal Service will destroy the entire press run of a stamp series aimed at getting children to be more active. According to Linn’s reporter Bill McAllister, three of the stamps in the fifteen stamp series raised safety concerns among sports figures on the President’s Council on Fitness, Sports & Nutrition. The stamps in question depicted children performing a cannonball dive, skateboarding without kneepads, and doing a headstand without a helmet. The unsafe depictions came to light after USPS Marketing chief Nagisa Manabe asked Michelle Obama to take part in a first day ceremony for the stamps. That was apparently the first time the stamps had been reviewed by the Sports Council. 

This is very very concerning. The USPS must promote health and safety above all! Look at the danger. These kids have NO EYES! They are screwed before they pick up a skateboard.   Even so, I hardly think these stamps can pose a threat to children. Kids do not even know what stamps are these days.

This year the USPS issued many commemorative stamps, almost all of which could be interpreted as promoting dangerous activities.  Let's look at some of them:

"Emancipation Proclamation"  
Many of our southren brethren think that emancipation was a wicked idea. Just imagine freedom for African Americans! Look at all the trouble it has caused.

"Kaleidoscope Flowers" 
These stamps obviously are promoting drug use since kaleidoscopes are a favorite toy of cannabis addicts.

"Year of the Snake"
We don't need no evil Chinese superstition on our stamps. And frigging fireworks are dangerous. You'll blow your hand off. But that's what the Chinese want you to do.

"Apples"
Are a favorite tool of Satan. 'Nuf said.

"Wedding Cake"
Look at that precious thing. This is obviously a gay wedding.

"Spicebush Swallowtail Butterfly"
How much more overtly sexual can you get? And it's a subliminal Rorschach of a very vile thing.

"Tufted Puffins"
Here, finally, is a good one. Puffins are harmless. They live on distant islands and there aren't many of them. Wait a minute. Those tufts look too much like the horns of the Prince of Darkness.

"Global Forever" 
Why is our Postal Service which was established in our Holy Constitution promoting globalism?

"West Virginia"
What kind of a nondescript picture of West Virginia is this? It could be anywhere. Give us something distinctly West Virginia! Give us feuding hillbllies! Give us the Whites! Give us a Rockefeller! Give us the NSA! Give us Mothman!